Product Review: TortillaLand Raw Tortillas

TORTILLAS.

Today is a short entry. Partially because I am ‘bena-high’ (yes I just made up that term) and took 2 Benadryl and instead of subsiding my allergies, it just made me feel ridiculously WOOZY…

Anyhoo…I’m reviewing one of my favorite things to eat at home.  TortillaLand Raw Corn and Flour Tortillas.  Whoever made these…You. Are. Genius.  I applaud thee for a couple things:

  1. Packaging raw tortillas. This is absolutely Einstein – if you think about it…why hasn’t it been done earlier?!  Like in my college days when I was stuck eating disgusting regular market tortillas.  I just baby barfed in my mouth. 😛
  2. Thinking of this before me. I know, this sounds completely and utterly arrogant.  But trust me. It’s not, I’m just completely jelly I didn’t think of this before.
  3. Making them so freaking delicious. I definitely can’t eat just one. Sadly. I end up eating 2-3 corns and 2 flours. And there goes my girlish figure.

Not only are these things (in my opinion) the tastiest tortillas on the market today, they are also super duper quick to make.  It’s as easy as Sunday morning.

Here are what they look like:

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Yes! They do have both CORN AND FLOUR!


 

Corn Tortillas

Pros:

  1. YUMMY
  2. NOM NOM-IE (I am getting on to the more adult version of descriptions starting….now…KEKEKE)
  3. Chewy (in the good way, not the weird way)
  4. They taste so fresh and homemade.
  5. 60 calories per tortilla….WHAT. I actually just found this out checking for you guys. I may allow myself now to eat like 4 instead of just 2-3. J
  6. Holds well to heavy tacos. I tend to put a ton of meat and toppings on my tacos cause I am a fatty; a lot of the other tortillas (not naming names but rhymes like Smission Tortillas) don’t tend to hold well after you take a bite.  It just falls apart and the world has come to an end because the perfect bite no longer exists cause it’s on your plate. Or lap. And not in your mouth. 😦
  7. Only takes 60 seconds to heat and serve (maybe even faster)
  8. Gluten Free
  9. 0gs Trans Fat! No Cholestrol! No Saturated Fat! Made with Canola oil versus LARD like other brands do!
  10. They will go bad (this is a good thing cause of NO PRESERVATIVES); unlike those Smission ones that seem to stay good months after their expiration date. Ew.
  11. They make all that you need tortillas for taste 10x – 100x better.
  12. The corn tortillas are pretty thick; this can be good or bad depending on your taste. You definitely do NOT have to double up like the taco shops do.  I think this is also good because the texture of the tortillas are amazing.
  13. They freeze well fresh if you can’t finish them! Just thaw in fridge!

Cons:

  1. They may take up to 60 seconds
  2. You have to heat them up on a pan versus in the microwave
  3. You can’t stop eating them
  4. Pricier then store bought ready to eat tortillas (but just by a little; but come on, they’re fresh)

 

Flour Tortillas

Pros:

  1. Chewy (in the good way, not the weird way)
  2. They taste so fresh and homemade.
  3. 140 calories; not bad – I thought it’d be worse.
  4. Makes the BEST QUESADILLAS EVER IN ALL OF THE LANDS
  5. Only takes 60 seconds to heat and serve (maybe even faster)
  6. NO PRESERVATIVES! 0gs Trans Fat! No Cholestrol! No Saturated Fat! Made with Canola oil versus LARD like most tortillas!
  7. They make all that you need tortillas for taste 10x – 100x better.
  8. You can literally put anything into these tortillas and also double them as a wrap. I substitute this for sandwich bread also.
  9. They freeze well fresh if you can’t finish them! Just thaw in fridge!

Cons:

  1. They may take up to 60 seconds
  2. You have to heat them up on a pan versus in the microwave
  3. You will probably get fat because you can’t stop eating them
  4. Pricier then store bought ready to eat tortillas (but just by a little; but come on, they’re fresh)

It’s simple how to cook them:

Non-Stick Frying pan – NO OIL.  Make sure the frying pan is warm and throw that sucker on there.

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WATCH IT. like this –> O.O

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Then when it starts to puff, check the otherside for a little browning and FLIP it; wait for it to cook on that side…

Then VOILA!

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Add whatever you want or just stand there like a fatty and eat it with butter OR make a bean and cheese burrito like I did. *drool*

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Make love to it with your mouth. YUM.

Ok. now that I’ve gone crazy about how delicious these tortillas are, I am hungry and am going to go eat. 🙂

LAST TIDBID:  Go to http://www.tortillaland.com for more info!  I buy mine at Walmart because that’s where I found them the first time and I go back for them all the time.  I hear they sell them at Costco also.

White Wine Clam Pasta

White Wine Clam Sauce.

YUMMMMOOOOO. SO freaking easy and SO ridiculously fast!!

White Wine Clam Pasta

I love clams. And mushrooms. And onions. And Wine. And cheese.

Throw all that ish together and BAM Mah-JEEK is created.

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The crew.

I try not to eat pasta.  I constantly remind myself how it’ll make my money maker bigger.  It’s not worth it I tell myself.

Carbs

This is definitely worth it. Sorry Ryan Gosling.

For this recipe, I chose to use FRESH Manila clams.  FRESH Manila clams are good because they aren’t too large and they aren’t too gut-sy.  I’m not a huge fan of gut-sy shell fish (kinda like Littleneck clams which I still love but they have to be GOOD Littleneck clams)  What is my definition of Gut-sy??  When you bite the clam and the sack of guts which are sometimes questionable tasting…squishes into your mouth like a yucky muddy disgusting tasting poopoo.  NOBODY LIKES THAT.  So I went with FRESH Manila Clams. 🙂

White Wine.  I am ridiculously cheap.  I used to be one of those believers that you use whatever the hell kinda wine you want.  It doesn’t matter if it’s box wine. Or two dollar wine.  Or Cupcake wine (lol!) jk. Kinda.  But I was wrong!  Wrong wrong wrong!  You definitely want to use a wine that you are willing to drink and won’t give you a hangover that feels like a truck ran your big booty butt 10x over.  Don’t go complete opposite either and pick something you will cherish and be all wine snobby about and definitely just cook with something that is around a $15.00 wine and an easy drinker. I’m using Justin, Sauginon Blanc (dry white).

So! Here we go!  Let’s start with the baguette and get it out of the way.

Melt some butter (up to you how much you’d like to use, I used 2 tablespoon of salted butter); cook on low.

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Throw the baguette on there

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Flip. Toast. Then set aside.  Do everything you can to try not to eat it before it’s time…

On to the good stuff!

I forgot to add that we need butter and Olive Oil for this recipe. Lol! so here is your picture for viewing purposes.

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I’m not sure why this picture is so large…

Go ninja on your onions, garlic, and mushrooms…

Here is the picture of my mushroom karate CHOP!

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Then use both buttuh AND olive oil.  Trust me.  You need both.  And trust me.  You NEED the entire half stick.  Feel free to throw in a bit more for more richness. *purr*

Also add your garlic…it’s a party up in here!!

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I’m not going to lie. I added only half of a half stick. It was a mistake. I ended up adding the other much needed half of the half that I didn’t add in the first place. Don’t make the same wannabeskinnygirl mistake I made.

Throw dem onions in!

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Sweat dem on medium/low heat.  Sweat dem REAL gOOD.

Add your sliced mushrooms.

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Cook them until their semi-soft.  Salt that sucker to taste.

While your mushrooms are cooking, make sure you start your pasta water.  You want to salt the crap out of your water.  Supposedly until it taste like the sea.  I just add until I feel good about myself…like 2 teaspoons.

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I like my pasta al dente.  Like kinda a bit still chewy.

Please make sure you time this right!  Read the packet on your pasta box…if it’s says 7 minutes, cook your pasta 2 minutes less.  TRUST me. Use a timer. We are going to finish the pasta IN the sauce. 😉  But don’t start it yet…wait until you throw your clams in.

So…back to the sauce.

TURN THE HEAT UP TO HIGH!  THROW THE BABIES IN!

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Then quickly add the BOOZE.

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COVER IT to STEAM the YUMMY CLAMS.DSC_0847

Don’t you touch that cover for at least 2 minutes!  While you’re waiting…open all three of your canned clams, THROW YOUR PASTA INTO your boiling water and start your timer!

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Put in your canned clams

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COVER IT AGAIN Until it’s boiling!  THEN…SALT TO TASTE.

The babies should start opening….DROOL.

By the time it starts boiling again, your pasta should be at the 5 minute mark!

This is where amazing happens.

Add the pasta…

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TIME IT AT 2 MINUTES. Finish the pasta in the juices. It’s ok if you get a little pasta water into the sauce; this will help thicken the sauce because of the extra starches the pasta and pasta water adds.

Make sure you add enough SALT.  I added about a total of 3 – 4 teaspoons of salt. But I also love salt so I am going to say add salt to taste.  My clam pasta is typically a bit salter because I just think that’s how clam pasta is supposed to taste.   Plus that salty sauce/soupiness is so good with that crusty bread!

After you are satisfied with your flavor; start plating and add parmesan AND that toasted baguette! (no baguette pictured below)

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YUMMO. This is making me hungry.

This serves 4-6…depending on how much pastas your guests eat.  The above picture is plated MUCH larger than I usually would because I was feeding two big boys with VERY healthy appetites.

After, there is usually extra clams, clam sauce, onions and mushrooms.  What are you going to do with that?  EAT IT WITH YO BREAD FOO! 😉


WHITE WINE CLAM PASTA

Nom NOM NOM! Easy Italian at home!

Difficulty Level: Easy

Serving: 4-6 servings

Prep time: 15 Minutes

Cook time: 15 Minutes


Ingredients:

4-6 servings of pasta (depending on how much you eat); I recommend Spaghetti

2 cups of diced onions

4 cups of sliced mushrooms

3 6.5 oz cans of minced clams in clam juice (2 cans with juice, 1 can drained)

4 tablespoons (half a stick) of butter for pasta sauce

2 tablespoons of olive oil

1 ½ tablespoon of minced garlic

1 lb of Fresh and Cleaned Manila Clams

1 ½ cup of White Wine

Shaved Parmesan cheese

1 baguette

2 tablespoons of salted butter for toasted baguette

Instructions:

  1. Use 2 tablespoons of salted butter. Melt. Toast baguette. Put aside.
  2. In a large pot, melt butter and olive oil with Garlic. Add onions. Sweat. Throw in mushrooms until semi-soft. Salt to taste!
  3. Start and salt pasta water.
  4. Go back to your clam sauce, throw in cleaned clams. Add White wine. Cover to steam for at least 2 minutes.
  5. Add pasta into boiling water. Set timer for 2 minutes less then instructed time.
  6. Add canned clams into clam sauce. Cover until boil.
  7. Pasta should be completed; add pasta to clam sauce to finish. Set timer for remainder 2 minutes
  8. Plate and add parmesan and toasted baguette.
  9. Eat. Do a little dance. Get that money maker bigger.

LAST TIDBID: Makes sure you buy FRESH ingredients! This will make or break your pasta, if you buy stinky clams, your pasta will be stinky!  If you do NOT want to buy fresh clams, this can be made without them and just the canned clams and I promise you, it will be just as good.

This recipe is also very easily cut in half; if you do cut it in half, use 2 cans of clams with juice versus 1.5 cause what are u going to do with the other half?  Save it?  NO. Just throw that ish in.

ENJOY! 🙂

Fit ORGANIC Fruit and Vegetable Wash

Hi.

Who likes clean fruits and veggies?!  ME!

I mean really, that is obviously a rhetorical question cause really who the hell likes duurrrttyy fruits and veggies?!

I know a TON of people (not judging but kinda judging…#sorrynotsorry) who will take the fruits they bought from the market and put it directly into their mouths…*gag* DO YOU WANT A DISEASE?!  Remove that fruit from your mouth and go wash that ish before you contract a deadly virus and I get to wiggle my finger in your face and tell you “I told you so” in the most annoying way possible.

Just think about it…do you know how many hands that fruit has passed?!  That’s like letting 10 random people take their dirty hands and putting it directly into your mouth and making you eat the dirty bacteria off their fingers.  I don’t think anyone would appreciate that.  lol!

So, now that we got that nasty little tidbid in and out of your head, I would like to encourage everyone to PLEASE wash your fruit!

I did some research for myself and for you guys, and found out the best way to wash your fruit is to used clean distilled water.  Let your fruit sit in water for at least 1-2 minutes before eating it…BUT if you’re a crazy paranoid freak like me, you’ll use a fruit wash. 😉

This is the first fruit wash I’ve bought and I have to say I’m pretty satisfied with it.

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FIT Organic Fruit and Vegetable Wash

Fit Organic Fruit and Vegetable Wash

The pack I bought came with a spray as well; I thought this was super cool.


PROS:

Washes off wax

Washes off dirt

You can actually feel the difference, before and after (and it gives you peace of mind)

It’s simple enough to do on all fruits and veggies

CONS:

Does NOT wash off Pesticides (it’s not magic and can’t just make inorganic food organic…)

Washing with distilled water supposedly does the same (according to studies)


Here is the step by step on how to do this.

Step 1:  The cap has a “fill to” line; fill that up and pour it into a large bowl. DSC_0782

Add ½ a gallon of water… DSC_0783

Add your produce DSC_0784

Make sure all your produce is completely covered!  No single dirty grape goes unwashed!

Let it sit for at least 2-3 minutes.  I like to swish it around and rub it a bit just for my own crazy mind sake…;)

After you do that, RINSE well all the fruit in running water.  I can guarantee you you’ll feel a difference!

For the spray, it works better with single fruits and veggies; spray directly on to fruit, rub for 1 minute, rinse, eat.

LAST TIDBID:

I absolutely like to do everything I can to minimize the amount of work to do later. Lol I am the laziest of all!  Costco has tons of great fruit.  Their veggies I am not always happy with (it always goes bad in a day or two!) but their fruit has never failed me.  If you buy their bulk fruit, I highly recommend prewashing everything before throwing it in the fridge.  This stops you from having to wash it when you want to eat it and it’s cold and delicious!  If you choose to do this, just remember you are washing wax off your produce and that wax helps preserve things…so eat your produce quickly if you prewash! 🙂