Easy Crispy Kale Chips

Healthy salty yummy snacks?  Sometimes I think there is no such thing.  O.o


There are times when you just want something salty to munch on that’s healthy and there is nothing in your kitchen but Hot Cheetos, and Spicy Chicharrones, and Lay’s Kettle Chips.  But you feel so guilty.  If you don’t…I do. I feel my BUTT just getting larger with every delicious Hot Cheeto that I consume.  I feel my arms getting flappier with those crispy airy chicharrones that I eat!  I FEEL MY FACE JUST GETTING BLOATED WITH THE FATTY SALTY DELICIOUSNESS OF THE LAYS KETTLE CHIP (ANY FLAVOR CAUSE THEY ARE ALL SO FREAKING DAMN DELICIOUS) DAMN YOU JUNK FOOD INDUSTRY!!! *SHAKES ANGRY FIST*


Guilty…pleasures.  I often lose the inner war with me and any bag of chips…then just shortly following 5 minutes after I consumed the entire bag meant for a large party of probably 20…I live in just a whole ton of regret and sadness.  Lol.  Story of my life. On repeat!! =\


So you ask…what do you do?!  I decided if I have to have chips at least I should TRY to attempt to make them healthier.  I’m made my own Kale chips.  WHY?! Because buying them are just freaking expensive.  And the store bought ones are freaking nasty. Lol.




What I do is I usually buy the already washed, already cut Kale because I’m the laziest person in all the lands.



From there, I spread the kale out on a flat cookie sheet with a parchment paper and I rip off all the stalks off because they are tuff and they don’t cook well and they remind me of eating wood chips. Nobody enjoys eating wood chips. If you do…good on you!  You must get lots of fiber! 🙂


PREHEAT YOUR OVEN TO 275.  I’m not lying.  Don’t do what everyone else on the internet does and do it at 400 or 350.  You’ll burn your precious kale and parts will be cooked and other parts will still be weirdly wet and soggy. 🙂

Now…toss said kale (make sure it’s not wet with water) with 1 teaspoon of Olive Oil. See…healthy…right?


Try to rip the pieces of kale into similar sizes so you don’t have a hodgepodge of weirdness going on in your kale chip bowl.

Then add your favorite seasoning!  I love garlic salt and cayenne pepper together as a combo.   Grated Parmesan and black pepper are delicious too!  Use your imagination! Share with me your creations!


Bake at 275 for a timed 15 minutes!

And BAM salty snack is DONE.


EASY PEASY and so much healthier than potato chips.

Make sure you let the chips cool completely (stand alone). Try not to eat them all right out of the oven.

If you pile them on top of each other while they are still hot, the bottom pieces will be soggy!  No one likes soggy kale chips!




Healthy! Delicious! Guilt FREE! And they help you poo I think…

Difficulty Level: Easy

Prep time: 10 minutes

Cook time: 15 minutes per batch

Ingredients: (I do this in batches)

4 cups of chopped Kale

1 teaspoon of Olive Oil

Seasonings of choice


  1. Either chop or get prechopped Kale. Your kale MUST be dry, otherwise they will come out soggy!
  2. Remove stalks because no one likes those…
  3. Toss with Olive Oil
  4. Spread out evenly on cookie sheet for even cooking
  5. Season
  6. Bake at 275 for 15 minutes
  7. Enjoy!

Last Tidbid:  I like to make this in batches.  I tend to make 4 batches and eat them within two days.  Just make sure you are gentle with them because they are very thin after baking!  If you are not gentle, you will have kale dust…lol!

Nutella Stuffed Brown Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies



Don’t have a significant other?! WHO CARES.  Celebrate with a friend.  Don’t have a friend?! WHO CARES.  Celebrate the fact that you’re ALIVE today!!

Whether you’re either DEEPLY in love or DEEPLY single or you just DEEPLY don’t give a crap, let’s CELEBRATE Valentine’s Day together!! 😉

And how are we going to do that?! WITH COOKIES. Yup. YUM. Yup. STUFFED WITH NUTELLA (aka Chocolate of the Angels). Yup. Yup.


Unfortunately, my talents do not include baking.  BUT fear not.  I got this recipe from another fellow amazing blogger I stumbled across, the Ambitious Kitchen, and this is her recipe.

I’ve tested it out for you.  And it is as AMAZING as it sounds.

Why are you using her recipe you ask?!  Because God knows I am definitely not versed in the way of a Baker.  At least not yet.  (hopefully).  I’m also doing this because I have been wanting to post some kind of dessert for some time now.  I LOVE DESSERTS.  So, moving forward, I will now include posts on me finding dessert recipes and trying them out (and posting my experiments) until I can learn how to make and create my own.  And I’m going to be honest with myself and with you.  If I can make it….ANYONE can make it.  Trust me.

And so it begins…

Here are the main ingredients.  I don’t think I missed anything…


The Chocolates: Semi-Sweet, Dark, Milk, and COLD Nutella (put it in the fridge, not the freezer, the fridge).  I recommend getting smaller chips…I got the normal/bigger ones and it was harder to work with. Next time, I go SMALL chips.


And the dairy items + Vanilla (because I didn’t know where else to group it with)


Take the flour, baking soda, and salt and WHISK it all together first.  I really don’t know what the purpose of this is but I’m guessing it’s to incorporate all the powdery stuff.


Then, take your two sticks of butter (1 cup) and melt it down nice and slow.  Don’t do it too fast!! Or it will burn.


Once your house smells like a carmel-y butter-y house full of heaven’s aroma’s, and you can see that your butter is brown, take it off the heat and let the butter cool.  Transfer to bowl if necessary to prevent from burning.  (I did mine a TAD under so I can leave it in the pan without it burning and save from doing an extra dish…I hate doing dishes.)

Prepare your sugars into your mixer.  By the time you’re done, the butter should be cool enough.  Throw that deliciousness into the sugar and blend.


In the next step…TAKE CAUTION.  Make sure your butter/sugar mixer isn’t super hot.  If it is…it will cook the eggs you’re about to throw in. Add remaining wet ingredients (vanilla and yogurt).  Mix until combined.


Now, on low speed, add the flour.  I added it in two intervals.


Once it’s mixed. Turn it off and do NOT over beat.  I kinda overbeated mine and so my dough is a bit dry. L BUT it’s ok. Despite that mess up, it still turned out delicious!

FOLD IN THE CHOCOLATE CHIPS. Refrigerate for 2 hours (I know it’s torture right?!)



Now comes the hard part. The COOKIE STUFFING….dun dun..DUNNNNN!!


Take out some parchment paper…it makes it easier.  Roll said cookie dough into a ball…about 1.5 – 2 tablespoon of dough.


HULK SMASH said dough until it’s flat.  Like super flat.  See!? (sorry blurry picture)



DOLLOP 1-2 teaspoons of COLD Nutella…:D I put closer to two because I’m an addict and I’m crazy, 1 is really all you need.


Then cup all the sides together, and slowly pinch the outsides in to make a ball.  This is kinda hard.  And you have to be GENTLE and have PATIENCE.  Make LOVE to the ball.  Don’t let the deliciousness ooze out.





If it does ooze out, take a bit of dough, and patch it up like so. She said it doesn’t have to be perfect, and really, it really really doesn’t. See mine?  It’s all cracky…but fear not! Just make sure the Nutella isn’t leaking out and you are good. 🙂


When placing the balls on the parchment sheet, GENTLY flatten the tops a bit while doing your best not to ooze out any Nutella.  Patch up if necessary!


Bake for 9 minutes. NO MORE.  I did mine for 11 minutes the first time…came out like rocks and I definitely threw a cookie tantrum.  I tried it again for 9 minutes…PERFECTION.


Final results.  DELICIOUSNESS for the boyfriend.  He will be happy.  And if he isn’t…I will be happy with the cookies I made for him cause these are BOMB. 🙂


Check out Ambitious Kitchen’s blog for the recipe.  I definitely followed her as I aspire to be a great baker as she is!!

Last Tidbid: Practice makes perfect!  My first batch came out hard because I baked it too long, my 2nd batch came out too thick because I didn’t make the dough thin enough and was having a hard time stuffing.  My last and final batch finally made the cut and I’m SO glad i kept going at it and didn’t give up the first time around.  Enjoy!

Happy V-day everyone!!

Power Quinoa Avocado Salad


I know. I’ve been gone for forever. Did you miss me?  Because I have most certainly missed you.

I’m trying my best as a new blogger.  Please forgive me for being gone. The holidays ROBBED me of my time and made me like 500lbs heavier.  Not complaining though because it’s my favorite time of year!!

I am also trying to transition my site to a new site; where I am no longer wordpress.com-er.  I want to be my own SITE! I WANT MY OWN IDENTITY. *tear*  MORE TO COME ON THAT I PROMISE!

I know a lot of people really hate the New Year because it comes with failed NY Resolutions (that and getting another year older 😦 ).  All the health crazes and new workout regimens, etc etc .  Trust me I am so one of those people…I’ve failed at NY resolutions for about 20+ years of my life and this year is no different!!

But guess what?! THIS YEAR, is not any different, no. Lol. I have actually already failed multiple times. But WHO THE HELL SAID once I fail, I should just keep failing?  Hell to the N-O. this year, I have decided that each time I fail, I just need to pick back up and start all over again like it’s January 2nd.

God I’m so inspiring. I should write a blog or something.  😉

Today, I bring to you…POWER QUINOA AVOCADO SALAD. This salad is JAM packed with nutrition and flavor.  Yum scale is like 10 and because it’s healthy I’m going to bump it up to like a 15.

It’s a little blurry. MY BAD. i was just in such a rush to eat it. -_-**

My girlfriend made this at work one day and I asked her what she put it in…then…I went home…made it..and it changed me life.  I COULD eat healthy.  EATING HEALTHY IS NOT THAT BAD. say that 10x in a row and you’ll start to believe it! 😉

If you don’t like Quinoa, this is a GREAT starter salad.  It kinda hides the Quinoa and you can’t really even tell it’s there because of all the nommy natural ROBUSTING flavors the other ingredients provide.

The great thing about this is you can put in and take out what you like or don’t like.  You can add whatever you want as long as it is healthy.  Don’t like to eat a lot of onions?  Just add a bit for flavor.  Love tons of corn?  Add MORE.  It’s that simple. Consider this a starter recipe.  Add and subtract as you go.  YOU BOSS.  YOU MAKE BIG DECISION.  *pound chest, stomp ground*

Here are the main ingredients:

I really must have been a rush because all my pictures are BLURRY! failx1000


Chopped Cilantro, Corn, Tomato (I used cherry, not recommended…it tasted cherry tomato-y, I would use roma or normal people tomatoes), Onions, Jalapenos, Cooked Quinoa. Disclaimer: DO NOT add avocado and salt yet.  Always add that at the end right when you’re about to demolish the food with your piehole.


Put it into a giant mixing bowl (so pretty!)

Mix it up!!


I donno why I put the Quinoa in after i mixed that.  I think i wanted to show you the rainbow of nutritional deliciousness.


And now we proceed to the step by step direction on how to cut and core an Avocado so no one chops their hands off and you maximize the Ah-Jee-Cah-Doh to it’s highest potential.

Step one: cut avocado in half the long way…ALL THE WAY AROUND. Try to connect the two sides. 🙂


Step two: Turn opposites away from each other and pull apart (I wish I had three hands and arms to show you but gratefully God decided I’m prettier with just two hands, and I agree 100%!)


Step three:  Use your knife and carefully whack the middle of the seed with your knife.


Step four: Turn opposite avocado and seed and pull! And Voila! DONE. Core is out. YOU ARE AN AVOCADO HERO!!  Use the spoon and take out the meat. Try not to eat it all.

Back to the Salad.

My recommendation is to keep the salad and avocado separate until you are ready to eat it.  I think half and avocado to 1½ a cup of mix is a good ratio.  I also really love my avocado…so if that is too much for you, I would definitely add more mix as you go.


When you’re done, add salt and pepper to taste.

Other Chopped up things I’ve added in the past to this POWER salad: Hardboiled Eggs Whites (FOR PROTEIN.  yum! – you can add the yolk too, it’s just not as good for you but it sure is tastie), Bell Peppers, Cooled Grilled or Boiled Chicken (for protein), Green Onions, Celery, USE YOUR IMAGINATION!

You’re getting skinner already.  You’re welcome!  🙂



The first step into your healthy lifestyle!

Difficulty Level: Easy

Serving: 5-6 Cups, depends on how much of what you put into it

Prep Time: 20 minutes

Cook time:  Everything is pre-prepared. This recipe already has cooked corn and cooked, cooled Quinoa.  Corn, you can use canned if you’d like, and Quinoa takes about 15 minutes to make stove top (follow the back of the bag).  Make sure you cool the Quinoa first before throwing it into this salad!



EVERYTHING BELOW IS TO TASTE, this is just my version.  Make it your own!

1½ cup of cooked cooled Quinoa

¼ – ½ cup of cilantro

¼ – ½ cup of onion

1½ cup of chopped tomato (I used cherry because that’s all I had but I highly DO NOT recommend it, it has a different taste then normal tomatoes)

1 large chopped jalapeno (I did mine with the seeds because I like my food spicy like ME)

2 cups of corn

Avocado (½ for every 1½ to 2 cups of the salad)

Himalayan Pink Salt or Garlic Salt

Other Chopped up things I’ve added in the past: Hardboiled Eggs Whites (yum! – you can add the yolk too, it’s just not as good for you but it sure is tastie), Bell Peppers, Cooled Grilled or Boiled Chicken, Green Onions, Celery, USE YOUR IMAGINATION!




Throw together the first 6 ingredients, mix.

Add avocado and Himalayan Pink Salt or Garlic Salt for flavor

Refrigerate for an hour and enjoy!

Last Tidbid: if you use everything fresh, please try to eat this quickly! There aren’t any additional preservatives so this may turn fast.

Turkey Brine, Dry Rub, and Cavity Filling

Man it has been a busy couple of weeks.

I have failed you as a blogger and please forgive me as I have done the cardinal sin of not posting this fast enough.  But alas I like to make myself feel better as I have at least posted it prior to Thanksgiving! Yes?  Yes??

THERE IS STILL  ENOUGH TIME I PROMISE. You can brine everything Tuesday or even Wednesday and STILL be in time for Thanksgiving …and I promise you…you’ll walk out of T-Dinner feeling like a ROCKSTAR!

This will be quick. It’s SO easy, you won’t regret it.





1 gallon of water (16 cups) in a giant pot!


Add 16 teaspoon of Better then Bouillon Vegetable Bouillon (this equates to 16 cups of Bouillon)


Add 1 cup of Sea Salt or Kosher Salt – NOT TABLE SALT or you may die of salt overload from puffiness or, on a more serious real person note….HIGH BLOODPRESSURE/STROKE. And no one wants that on Thanksgiving.  I am thankful to be alive.  And that you are alive and reading this. 🙂


Add all thee dried herbs. Rosemary (make sure to crush it a bit), Sage, Thyme, Poultry Seasoning.






Mix. Make sure salt is disintegrated.

THEN. Cool it. Not you. The bird. Once it’s cool, add 8 cups of Apple Juice, and another gallon 8 cups of ICE water to your brine.

THROW THE BIRD IN THERE and make sure the inside cavity is filled with the brine! THEN…VOILA! WAHLAH! MAGNIFICO!

Brine the bird for no more than 24 hours. I actually would recommend 12-18 hrs.  MAKE sure it’s cold and food safety safe.  No need to poison everyone on Thanksgiving because you didn’t keep the bird cold enough…

Also please use a brining bag; trashbags are NOT food safe…

Once the bird is out of the brine…RINSE the bird with water; you don’t want a salt lick. 🙂 MAKE SURE YOU PAT THE TURKEY DRY AFTER RINSING IT.

Please remember!!  Brined Turkeys cook must faster; I don’t want to tell you a time formula but I highly recommend cooking it breast side down for the first hour to two hours (depending on the size of your bird), then turning it over breast side up for the remainder of the time.  After that, blast the oven up to 450 – 500 degrees to brown the skin.

Turkey Brine

1 Gallon of water

16 teaspoons of Vegetable Bullion

1 Tablespoon of Dried Rosemary

1 Tablespoon of Dried Sage

1 Teaspoon of ground Thyme (you can add more but I think thyme taste like DIRT if you add too much)

1 Tablespoon of Poultry Seasoning

8 cups of Apple Juice

1 Gallon of Water Sorry! It’s 8 cups of ice water.


Equal parts EVERYTHING:


Black Pepper





Cayenne Pepper

If you dry rub your bird, please make sure you melt butter or use olive oil and coat the outside of your bird, then sprinkle it on; you don’t have to do this, but I love the extra flavor it brings.


Salt the inside of your bird; don’t go crazy! You did brine the bird!

2 Celery stalks

1 large Onion

2 large carrots

5 Garlic Cloves

OPTIONAL: 1 Orange (I don’t like the citrusy flavor but A LOT of people do)

Stick it in the bird’s booty after salting and seasoning! BOOTY.

Last Tidbid:  I highly recommend taking cold unsalted butter, slicing it to thin square pieces, dipping it in the dry rub, separating the skin and putting the seasoned butter in between the skin and meat.  This not only adds extra flavor but also helps tenderize the bird EVER MORE.  And who doesn’t like butter?!

Also, whatever you season your bird with on the skin, even if it is just salt and pepper, this will taste amazing.  Just don’t do anything weird that you wouldn’t normally put on a bird…like cinnamon or nutmeg or weird non-birdy ingredients; we don’t want your bird to taste like pumpkin pie. Gross.

Italian Sausage Bolognese Sauce

I’ve always loved Bolognese sauce.  I’m just one of the laziest creatures I know and this takes some work!  But if I can do it…SO CAN YOU!


But today, I thought hmm…I’m going to make mine with Italian            Sausage.  Why? Because who the heck doesn’t like Italian Sausage?!  It’s tasty, fragrant, and downright delicious!

I will post a standard Bolognese recipe sometime in the future…but for now, you’re stuck with this, and I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. 🙂

Here is a pix of main ingredients:


First step.  Take your white wine, and add 1 cup of white wine into your beef and Italian sausage.  This sounds weird.  But trust me, it will help breakdown the mean so when you’re browning it, the meat will help separate into little ground beefies versus GIANT BEEF CHUNKS that you have to break apart.


I used a fork and mashed the two meats until they looked like one big happy family.


Chopping. The good news is…you don’t have to do a ton of chopping, just use your food processor (which saves my life in so many things and is the best friend you can have in the kitchen).


CHOP ALL DEM VEGGIES UP.  SO. Start with cutting your MIREPOIX (dood I feel so fancy but this is basically celery, carrots, and onion).  The only thing, we are going to change up is the ratio of Mirepoix…we are doing equal parts of each one.   I would chop them up into 2 inch pieces to help your food processor out.


I throw each one in individually.  Not sure why…I guess I’m crazy like that.




Don’t forget to do your garlic too!


Now that you’ve chopped all your veggies…let the COOKING COMMENCE!

Start with 2 tablespoons of olive oil.   Let it come up in temperature and throw your onions in.


Then your garlic. (not pictured cause I’m a dumb dumb).  SALT AT EVERY LEVEL.  I cannot stress this enough.  I will say it again…. SALT AT EVERY LEVEL!  You want to make sure that every level of flavor you are building is well seasoned.  It doesn’t mean salt the crap out of it….but it means salt it enough so that you are bringing the flavors our.  I would say about ¼ –  ½ teaspoon at each level is good (depending on your personal salt preference).  This is something that is learned over time…happy medium between enough salt and not too much salt. I highly recommend tasting each level if it is safe (don’t risk tasting raw meat!)

As soon as your onions are sweating, throw in your carrots and celery.  Stir it around…. SALT AT EVERY LEVEL.



When your veggies are done (I would give it about 5-7 minutes on medium heat)… take them out.


Grab the meat/wine concoction and throw it in.  Brown your meat and SALT AT EVERY LEVEL!



When your meat is nice and brown, throw in your veggies and mix well.


If it starts to stick and make little brown bits down there, you’re doing a good job.  We want this.  But don’t overdo it and DON’T BURN it!! 🙂  Browning is flavor, burning is gross!


Next, we are going to pour in your 1 cup of red wine…drink some for yourself…and scrape the little delicious brown bits off the bottom.  Keke.  Scrape de bottom.






Add your seasonings. Basil, red pepper, Sugar, Garlic, and Onion Powder (not all pictured).


Taste your sauce. If it does not have enough salt (which if you salted correctly, it should), add more to taste.  Remember, Bolognese sauce will be a tad bit on the salty side when eaten on its own.  Why? Because you are cooking it with pasta! 🙂

This will need to cook down for about 30-45 minutes on low/medium.  WARNING: Just make sure you WATCH IT. and STIR as you go along.  Because Bolognese is a ragu, it is THICK and does not have a ton of liquid and will burn quickly.  Just please be careful when cooking it down.  I added 1 cup of water to let it cook down. We need the flavors to merry and be joyful.


When your sauce is almost ready, start your pasta water.  Make sure you salt the water.


I usually put my sauce in a sautee pan on medium to keep it warm, and my pasta in another.  DSC_0881

I cook according to the package and typically subtract 1-2 minutes.  So, if your package says 6-8 minutes.  I would do 6 minutes.

As soon as your pasta is finished at its 6 minute mark, throw the cooked pasta into the sautee pan and finish the pasta in the sauce.  Add a 2-4 tablespoons of pasta water in there to help the pasta cook some more.


Integrate the pasta and sauce.  (if it’s dry, add a little more water.  A LITTLE. not a ton, then you will have watery gross Bolognese *barf*)


After you are done, plate and ENJOY.  I usually add shaved Parmesan, but didn’t do so in the picture so you can see the finished product. 🙂


Italian Sausage Bolognese Sauce

A twist on a classic dish

Difficulty level: Intermediate (only because it’s a lot of steps and the salting on every level situation )

Serving: 6-10 depending on how much you use

Prep Time: 30 minutes

Cook time: 1.5 hours


1 lb of beef

1 lb of spicy Italian sausage

2 stalks of celery

2 carrots

2 medium size onions

5 cloves of garlic

1 28 oz can of crushed tomatos (I highly recommend Hunts)

2 tsp of dried basil

2 tsp of crushed red pepper

1 tsp of garlic powder

1 tsp of onion powder

2 tablespoons of olive oil

½ teaspoon of sugar

1 cup of red wine

1 cup of white wine

1 cup of water


  1. Mix together the beef and spicy Italian with 1 cup of white wine.
  2. Chop all veggies in the food processor into a small dice.
  3. Use 2 tablespoons of Olive oil, bring up to temperature, sweat onions, then garlic, salt to taste.
  4. Add the celery and carrots, cook for 5-7 minutes until soft, but not limpy! Salt to taste.
  5. Take veggies out and put aside.
  6. Brown the meat. Salt to taste.
  7. Add veggies back into the meat, cook and let flavors merry with each other a bit. Let this brown a bit on the bottom, but do not BURN! Salt to taste.
  8. Add 1 cup of red wine. Stir, and cook for another 3-4 minutes.
  9. Add entire can of crushed tomatoes. Salt to taste.
  10. Add remaining seasoning of sugar, basil, red pepper, garlic powder, onion powder.
  11. Salt to taste.
  12. Add one cup of water. Cook down this sauce for about 45 minutes. Watch the sauce! Do NOT let it burn!
  13. Cook pasta and Bolognese in separate pots. When pasta is done, throw into hot sauce and finish in the sauce.
  14. Enjoy!

Last Tidbid:  I always finish any pasta I made in the sauce.  It makes a night and day difference in letting the pasta soak up the sauces.  You can do this with any and all sauces and it works wonders!

Tuna Salad

Well hallo dere.

DSC_0938 (2)

Not sure if you can tell by now but I love things that are easy to make.  The easier and tastier food is, the rounder I get. Keke. Round.

This is a good “healthy” snack.  I put “healthy” in quotes because it really depend on how much may-O you put into this delicious fresh yummy concoction.  The more you put the creamier it gets!

I grew up eating tuna with mayo and celery and I’m not going to say it was horrible but it wasn’t freaking delicious either.  It was like…just OK.

Then…I met this girl named Cristina.  She changed my life.  She opened the doors to canned-tuna heaven and showed me that you CAN elevate canned tuna and make freaking delicious.  She made tuna with all the Mexican flavors I love…and then I decided…I have to make my own.

I came, I saw, I conquered that BEEZIE.

The good thing about this recipe is it is a base.  You can tweak it anyway you want based on your taste buds. I can’t say every time I make this it tastes the same, but I can say, that every time I make it, I love how delicious it is with some Pretzel Crisps or Salt and Pepper Kettle chips.  Yum.  Remember!  I said “healthy”. Feel free to judge me. 😉

OKIE. So here goes!

CHOP CHOP CHOP!  I know its super tempting to throw this all into the food processer…but don’t do it.  Fight the temptation.  You’ll need a bigger dice then the food processor will give you because you want a good nice crunch and texture. TRUST ME! IT’S WORTH IT

So. Here we go!

Main Ingredients:  (as usual…I forgot something…)

Mayo and Garlic Salt not shown… -_-**

Start chopping the living lights out of these veggies….

For those who don’t know how to cut celery cause it’s all weird shaped:


Turn on an angle and chop into strips




Such pretty colors!  Add the canned Tuna…


And MIX the beH-gi-ta-bles all up!


Look at all the colors! So pretty! And tell me that doesn’t smell amazing.

Ok. This is where I secretly like to lie to myself and tell myself I eat healthy and only add a bit of mayo.  But it always ends up the same.  I always start with ½ of a HEAPING cup of mayo…

Then I spread the love…and then I realize….there isn’t enough love in there.  So I end up adding a tablespoon at a time.


And then I end up…with me have had added a total of 1 cup of Mayo…LOL. #healthyfail

If you fail like I do. Let’s fail proudly. And be proud and fat and happy.  YAH!


Make sure you toss in at least ½ teaspoon of salt or more to taste.  THEN. WAIT for it….THROW IT IN THE fridge.  It needs to SIT in the fridge for at least 3 hours prior to consuming.  If you have patience for overnight, then that is better.  The flavors need time to merry and be happy!  Give it some TIME!

Then. Indulge with some Pretzel Crisps (I buy the Everything flavor) or Kettle chips. Whatever your hearts deepest desires are.


Dancing Tuna in your mouf!

Difficulty level: EASY

Serving:  Total a little under 3 lbs (sounds a lot but it’s really not!)

Prep Time: 30 minutes

Cook time: none


4 Cans of 5 oz Tuna in water

2 Tomatoes

4 stalks of celery

1 medium onion or a little over half of a large one

1 bunch of cilantro (or less to taste)

1 small Persian cucumber (not shown and optional – I only do it sometimes but don’t do too much because cucumbers can be overpowering!)

1 serrano pepper (optional)

1 cup of Mayo (start with ½ and add to taste)

½ Teaspoon of Garlic Salt



Chop all veggies.  Put in mixing bowl.  Add tuna.

Add Mayo and Salt, mix.

Refrigerate for at least 3 hours to overnight.

Last Tidbid:  I actually tend to eat this with crackers over in a sandwich.  If you do want to eat it in a sandwich, make sure you get a nice strong bread that can hold up to the juices of this tuna.  Also, when you refrigerate the tuna, it will secret water from the veggies, just mix prior to eating.

Happy Eating!

Product Review: TortillaLand Raw Tortillas


Today is a short entry. Partially because I am ‘bena-high’ (yes I just made up that term) and took 2 Benadryl and instead of subsiding my allergies, it just made me feel ridiculously WOOZY…

Anyhoo…I’m reviewing one of my favorite things to eat at home.  TortillaLand Raw Corn and Flour Tortillas.  Whoever made these…You. Are. Genius.  I applaud thee for a couple things:

  1. Packaging raw tortillas. This is absolutely Einstein – if you think about it…why hasn’t it been done earlier?!  Like in my college days when I was stuck eating disgusting regular market tortillas.  I just baby barfed in my mouth. 😛
  2. Thinking of this before me. I know, this sounds completely and utterly arrogant.  But trust me. It’s not, I’m just completely jelly I didn’t think of this before.
  3. Making them so freaking delicious. I definitely can’t eat just one. Sadly. I end up eating 2-3 corns and 2 flours. And there goes my girlish figure.

Not only are these things (in my opinion) the tastiest tortillas on the market today, they are also super duper quick to make.  It’s as easy as Sunday morning.

Here are what they look like:


Yes! They do have both CORN AND FLOUR!


Corn Tortillas


  1. YUMMY
  2. NOM NOM-IE (I am getting on to the more adult version of descriptions starting….now…KEKEKE)
  3. Chewy (in the good way, not the weird way)
  4. They taste so fresh and homemade.
  5. 60 calories per tortilla….WHAT. I actually just found this out checking for you guys. I may allow myself now to eat like 4 instead of just 2-3. J
  6. Holds well to heavy tacos. I tend to put a ton of meat and toppings on my tacos cause I am a fatty; a lot of the other tortillas (not naming names but rhymes like Smission Tortillas) don’t tend to hold well after you take a bite.  It just falls apart and the world has come to an end because the perfect bite no longer exists cause it’s on your plate. Or lap. And not in your mouth. 😦
  7. Only takes 60 seconds to heat and serve (maybe even faster)
  8. Gluten Free
  9. 0gs Trans Fat! No Cholestrol! No Saturated Fat! Made with Canola oil versus LARD like other brands do!
  10. They will go bad (this is a good thing cause of NO PRESERVATIVES); unlike those Smission ones that seem to stay good months after their expiration date. Ew.
  11. They make all that you need tortillas for taste 10x – 100x better.
  12. The corn tortillas are pretty thick; this can be good or bad depending on your taste. You definitely do NOT have to double up like the taco shops do.  I think this is also good because the texture of the tortillas are amazing.
  13. They freeze well fresh if you can’t finish them! Just thaw in fridge!


  1. They may take up to 60 seconds
  2. You have to heat them up on a pan versus in the microwave
  3. You can’t stop eating them
  4. Pricier then store bought ready to eat tortillas (but just by a little; but come on, they’re fresh)


Flour Tortillas


  1. Chewy (in the good way, not the weird way)
  2. They taste so fresh and homemade.
  3. 140 calories; not bad – I thought it’d be worse.
  5. Only takes 60 seconds to heat and serve (maybe even faster)
  6. NO PRESERVATIVES! 0gs Trans Fat! No Cholestrol! No Saturated Fat! Made with Canola oil versus LARD like most tortillas!
  7. They make all that you need tortillas for taste 10x – 100x better.
  8. You can literally put anything into these tortillas and also double them as a wrap. I substitute this for sandwich bread also.
  9. They freeze well fresh if you can’t finish them! Just thaw in fridge!


  1. They may take up to 60 seconds
  2. You have to heat them up on a pan versus in the microwave
  3. You will probably get fat because you can’t stop eating them
  4. Pricier then store bought ready to eat tortillas (but just by a little; but come on, they’re fresh)

It’s simple how to cook them:

Non-Stick Frying pan – NO OIL.  Make sure the frying pan is warm and throw that sucker on there.


WATCH IT. like this –> O.O


Then when it starts to puff, check the otherside for a little browning and FLIP it; wait for it to cook on that side…



Add whatever you want or just stand there like a fatty and eat it with butter OR make a bean and cheese burrito like I did. *drool*


Make love to it with your mouth. YUM.

Ok. now that I’ve gone crazy about how delicious these tortillas are, I am hungry and am going to go eat. 🙂

LAST TIDBID:  Go to http://www.tortillaland.com for more info!  I buy mine at Walmart because that’s where I found them the first time and I go back for them all the time.  I hear they sell them at Costco also.

White Wine Clam Pasta

White Wine Clam Sauce.

YUMMMMOOOOO. SO freaking easy and SO ridiculously fast!!

White Wine Clam Pasta

I love clams. And mushrooms. And onions. And Wine. And cheese.

Throw all that ish together and BAM Mah-JEEK is created.

The crew.

I try not to eat pasta.  I constantly remind myself how it’ll make my money maker bigger.  It’s not worth it I tell myself.


This is definitely worth it. Sorry Ryan Gosling.

For this recipe, I chose to use FRESH Manila clams.  FRESH Manila clams are good because they aren’t too large and they aren’t too gut-sy.  I’m not a huge fan of gut-sy shell fish (kinda like Littleneck clams which I still love but they have to be GOOD Littleneck clams)  What is my definition of Gut-sy??  When you bite the clam and the sack of guts which are sometimes questionable tasting…squishes into your mouth like a yucky muddy disgusting tasting poopoo.  NOBODY LIKES THAT.  So I went with FRESH Manila Clams. 🙂

White Wine.  I am ridiculously cheap.  I used to be one of those believers that you use whatever the hell kinda wine you want.  It doesn’t matter if it’s box wine. Or two dollar wine.  Or Cupcake wine (lol!) jk. Kinda.  But I was wrong!  Wrong wrong wrong!  You definitely want to use a wine that you are willing to drink and won’t give you a hangover that feels like a truck ran your big booty butt 10x over.  Don’t go complete opposite either and pick something you will cherish and be all wine snobby about and definitely just cook with something that is around a $15.00 wine and an easy drinker. I’m using Justin, Sauginon Blanc (dry white).

So! Here we go!  Let’s start with the baguette and get it out of the way.

Melt some butter (up to you how much you’d like to use, I used 2 tablespoon of salted butter); cook on low.


Throw the baguette on there


Flip. Toast. Then set aside.  Do everything you can to try not to eat it before it’s time…

On to the good stuff!

I forgot to add that we need butter and Olive Oil for this recipe. Lol! so here is your picture for viewing purposes.

I’m not sure why this picture is so large…

Go ninja on your onions, garlic, and mushrooms…

Here is the picture of my mushroom karate CHOP!


Then use both buttuh AND olive oil.  Trust me.  You need both.  And trust me.  You NEED the entire half stick.  Feel free to throw in a bit more for more richness. *purr*

Also add your garlic…it’s a party up in here!!


I’m not going to lie. I added only half of a half stick. It was a mistake. I ended up adding the other much needed half of the half that I didn’t add in the first place. Don’t make the same wannabeskinnygirl mistake I made.

Throw dem onions in!


Sweat dem on medium/low heat.  Sweat dem REAL gOOD.

Add your sliced mushrooms.


Cook them until their semi-soft.  Salt that sucker to taste.

While your mushrooms are cooking, make sure you start your pasta water.  You want to salt the crap out of your water.  Supposedly until it taste like the sea.  I just add until I feel good about myself…like 2 teaspoons.


I like my pasta al dente.  Like kinda a bit still chewy.

Please make sure you time this right!  Read the packet on your pasta box…if it’s says 7 minutes, cook your pasta 2 minutes less.  TRUST me. Use a timer. We are going to finish the pasta IN the sauce. 😉  But don’t start it yet…wait until you throw your clams in.

So…back to the sauce.



Then quickly add the BOOZE.



Don’t you touch that cover for at least 2 minutes!  While you’re waiting…open all three of your canned clams, THROW YOUR PASTA INTO your boiling water and start your timer!


Put in your canned clams



The babies should start opening….DROOL.

By the time it starts boiling again, your pasta should be at the 5 minute mark!

This is where amazing happens.

Add the pasta…


TIME IT AT 2 MINUTES. Finish the pasta in the juices. It’s ok if you get a little pasta water into the sauce; this will help thicken the sauce because of the extra starches the pasta and pasta water adds.

Make sure you add enough SALT.  I added about a total of 3 – 4 teaspoons of salt. But I also love salt so I am going to say add salt to taste.  My clam pasta is typically a bit salter because I just think that’s how clam pasta is supposed to taste.   Plus that salty sauce/soupiness is so good with that crusty bread!

After you are satisfied with your flavor; start plating and add parmesan AND that toasted baguette! (no baguette pictured below)


YUMMO. This is making me hungry.

This serves 4-6…depending on how much pastas your guests eat.  The above picture is plated MUCH larger than I usually would because I was feeding two big boys with VERY healthy appetites.

After, there is usually extra clams, clam sauce, onions and mushrooms.  What are you going to do with that?  EAT IT WITH YO BREAD FOO! 😉


Nom NOM NOM! Easy Italian at home!

Difficulty Level: Easy

Serving: 4-6 servings

Prep time: 15 Minutes

Cook time: 15 Minutes


4-6 servings of pasta (depending on how much you eat); I recommend Spaghetti

2 cups of diced onions

4 cups of sliced mushrooms

3 6.5 oz cans of minced clams in clam juice (2 cans with juice, 1 can drained)

4 tablespoons (half a stick) of butter for pasta sauce

2 tablespoons of olive oil

1 ½ tablespoon of minced garlic

1 lb of Fresh and Cleaned Manila Clams

1 ½ cup of White Wine

Shaved Parmesan cheese

1 baguette

2 tablespoons of salted butter for toasted baguette


  1. Use 2 tablespoons of salted butter. Melt. Toast baguette. Put aside.
  2. In a large pot, melt butter and olive oil with Garlic. Add onions. Sweat. Throw in mushrooms until semi-soft. Salt to taste!
  3. Start and salt pasta water.
  4. Go back to your clam sauce, throw in cleaned clams. Add White wine. Cover to steam for at least 2 minutes.
  5. Add pasta into boiling water. Set timer for 2 minutes less then instructed time.
  6. Add canned clams into clam sauce. Cover until boil.
  7. Pasta should be completed; add pasta to clam sauce to finish. Set timer for remainder 2 minutes
  8. Plate and add parmesan and toasted baguette.
  9. Eat. Do a little dance. Get that money maker bigger.

LAST TIDBID: Makes sure you buy FRESH ingredients! This will make or break your pasta, if you buy stinky clams, your pasta will be stinky!  If you do NOT want to buy fresh clams, this can be made without them and just the canned clams and I promise you, it will be just as good.

This recipe is also very easily cut in half; if you do cut it in half, use 2 cans of clams with juice versus 1.5 cause what are u going to do with the other half?  Save it?  NO. Just throw that ish in.


Fit ORGANIC Fruit and Vegetable Wash


Who likes clean fruits and veggies?!  ME!

I mean really, that is obviously a rhetorical question cause really who the hell likes duurrrttyy fruits and veggies?!

I know a TON of people (not judging but kinda judging…#sorrynotsorry) who will take the fruits they bought from the market and put it directly into their mouths…*gag* DO YOU WANT A DISEASE?!  Remove that fruit from your mouth and go wash that ish before you contract a deadly virus and I get to wiggle my finger in your face and tell you “I told you so” in the most annoying way possible.

Just think about it…do you know how many hands that fruit has passed?!  That’s like letting 10 random people take their dirty hands and putting it directly into your mouth and making you eat the dirty bacteria off their fingers.  I don’t think anyone would appreciate that.  lol!

So, now that we got that nasty little tidbid in and out of your head, I would like to encourage everyone to PLEASE wash your fruit!

I did some research for myself and for you guys, and found out the best way to wash your fruit is to used clean distilled water.  Let your fruit sit in water for at least 1-2 minutes before eating it…BUT if you’re a crazy paranoid freak like me, you’ll use a fruit wash. 😉

This is the first fruit wash I’ve bought and I have to say I’m pretty satisfied with it.

FIT Organic Fruit and Vegetable Wash

Fit Organic Fruit and Vegetable Wash

The pack I bought came with a spray as well; I thought this was super cool.


Washes off wax

Washes off dirt

You can actually feel the difference, before and after (and it gives you peace of mind)

It’s simple enough to do on all fruits and veggies


Does NOT wash off Pesticides (it’s not magic and can’t just make inorganic food organic…)

Washing with distilled water supposedly does the same (according to studies)

Here is the step by step on how to do this.

Step 1:  The cap has a “fill to” line; fill that up and pour it into a large bowl. DSC_0782

Add ½ a gallon of water… DSC_0783

Add your produce DSC_0784

Make sure all your produce is completely covered!  No single dirty grape goes unwashed!

Let it sit for at least 2-3 minutes.  I like to swish it around and rub it a bit just for my own crazy mind sake…;)

After you do that, RINSE well all the fruit in running water.  I can guarantee you you’ll feel a difference!

For the spray, it works better with single fruits and veggies; spray directly on to fruit, rub for 1 minute, rinse, eat.


I absolutely like to do everything I can to minimize the amount of work to do later. Lol I am the laziest of all!  Costco has tons of great fruit.  Their veggies I am not always happy with (it always goes bad in a day or two!) but their fruit has never failed me.  If you buy their bulk fruit, I highly recommend prewashing everything before throwing it in the fridge.  This stops you from having to wash it when you want to eat it and it’s cold and delicious!  If you choose to do this, just remember you are washing wax off your produce and that wax helps preserve things…so eat your produce quickly if you prewash! 🙂

Kai’s Ahi Tuna Poke!!

Ahi Tuna Poke.

So delicious!

This is one of those things that make my heart sing.  *LALALA* I mean, how do you go wrong?! Sashimi grade fish chopped and marinated with the addition of onions and garlic and ginger and all the yummies?!  UGH I DIE.  I LOVE LOUD FLAVORS AND THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM I CAN’T EVEN HANDLE.

But before I freak the eff out and break out into recipe sharing, I decided to share with you my most recent fishing adventure. 🙂

I LOVE FISHING and last month fishing had been pretty amazing with the hurricanes pushing all the fish up to OC!  If you ever want to get into fishing, the secret is being prepared…check fishing reports, get the right gear by being organized and doing your research, don’t MURDER your LIVE bait, and make friends with (or tip out ahead of time) the deckhands; they’ll hook you up! 🙂

preparing for fishing
**i did not wear short shorts on a boat full of men….


Loading Picture

This is me and the boys before loading the boat!

We slept on the boat all night which I highly DO NOT RECOMMEND if you get seasick; if you do get seasick, Bonine up!  The following morning, we start catching fish BRITE N’ EARLY!

Kai and Fish

And lo and behold…Yep…I made this fish my b****.  WHOSE yOUR DADDY fishie?!?!

WOOHOO. Ok so now how do I make me some poke?!

Here’s what you’ll need for seasoning:

Ponzu, Light Soy Sauce, Siracha, Sesame Oil!

Get your ingredients together and start with the VEGGIES…CHOP THAT ISH!

Yellow onions, garlic, jalapenos, green onions, Sesame seeds, and Korean pepper flake (gochugaru)…I forgot the ginger…as usual I always miss something!  😦


In case you get some Tuna with skin on, I’m going to show you how to take it off.  It’s ridiculously easy. See that little edge part that lifted up?  Just take that and peel it.  Peel the skin off delicately but with a bit of anger since it’s separating you away from the delicious ruby cubes of awesomeness.


While peeling, hold the meat of the fish down and pull the other way.  Kind of like waxing your legs in a slow painful way…


Then start cutting them into ½ inch strips so you can dice them into ½ inch squares.


WAHLAH!  Pink beautiful cubes of just pure deliciousness. YUM.


Then throw it all together and create MAH-JEEK!


And the SAUCING begins…*add all sauce here*


MIX it. 😉


MAH GAWWW THAT LOOKS SO GEWDD.  Sneak a taste test and add salt or soy if needed.  If you like it a bit more acidic, add more Ponzu, if you like a bit more spice, add more Siracha, etc etc..you know what i mean.  Make sure you let this refrigerate for at least 2 hours to let the flavors dance together and be merry!!

For serving, I highly recommend COOLED or LUKEWARM white Korean/Japanese rice. Trust me, its better eating with the raw fish!



A little taste of Hawaii at home! I promise you’ll love this recipe and it’s so easy!

Difficulty Level: Easy

Serving: Two lbs of Poke

Prep time: 30 Minutes

Cook time: none!



2 lbs of Sashimi Grade tuna (be SURE it’s sashimi grade!)

1 Cup of Diced Yellow Onions (or 1 medium onion)

2 Green Onion Stalks, diced

½ Teaspoon of grated Ginger

1 Teaspoon of Sesame Seeds

1 Teaspoon of minced Garlic

1 Teaspoon of Korean Pepper Flakes (gochugaru); this can be substituted with red pepper flakes

1 whole chopped Jalapenos (I do WITH the seeds, feel free to de-seed if needed)

3 Tablespoons of Light Soysauce

2 ½ Tablespoons of Ponzu (Citrus Soysauce)

1 Tablespoon of Siracha

Salt to taste!

Prepare your onions, green onions, jalapenos, ginger, and garlic; set aside.  Cut your fish and place in a mixing bowl. Mix all above ingrediants.

Refrigerate for at least 2 hours before enjoying and eat within 48 hrs of marinade.

Guess what?! THIS IS PRETTY HEALTHY FOR YOU…except for the sodium part. 😉

Last Tidbid: If you ever catch your own fish or someone gives you wild caught TUNA…just know, it does NOT keep well.  It is best eaten­ within a couple days or it will go mushy and disgusting or start to rot. ew.


I have strong opinions! Take them or leave them!

%d bloggers like this: